Zahir ibn Haram (ra): Low Self-Esteem Until He Met the Prophet ﷺ

Zahir (ra) was a man who struggled with his appearance and low self-esteem — until the Prophet ﷺ uplifted his heart in a beautiful and unforgettable way. Through gifts, genuine respect, and a lighthearted joke, the Prophet ﷺ made Zahir ibn Haram al-Ashja’i (ra) feel valued when others overlooked him.

Transcript

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The second person is the only one of the group that actually has a name beyond his first name. And his name is Zahir Ibn Haram Al-Ashja'i. So we actually know his tribe. And the ulama um they said that his father's name was either Haram or Hiram. Hiram with a uh Bikasriha, right? So Zahir ibn Haram or Zahir ibn Hiram. And he's from the tribe of Al-Ashjah. Banu Ashjah. Now, this actually will give you another dimension of Medina, inshaAllah ta'ala. Okay? Banu Ashjah belongs to a tribe, it's a subtribe of Ratafan. Ratafan. If you ever read the story of the Khandak or Azab or you read the tafsir, you'll constantly come across this name, Ratafan, Ratafan, Ratafan. And they're from Al-Adnaniyah, they're from the uh Adnani tribes. It's the northern Arab tribes to Medina. So they're Bedouins, but they're particularly to the north of Medina. And they were critical to the Prophet, they're kind of northwest. Um, they're from Al-Hijaz, so the northwest region of Al-Madina. And the reason why they're so critical as Ghatlafan is because they represent a serious vulnerability to the Prophet when he comes to Medina. So in Mecca, if you think about the Hawaz and like the outskirts, like this is Bedouin society, right? Desert society. Even if you get the main city, you've got all these small cities around. And Bedouins tend to be more rough, they tend to know how to live their lives in a certain way, and they tend to be overly tribal, right? So what makes Ghatafan so uh uh pivotal to the Prophet is that when the chandak was built, the Prophet built uh the kandak between the two harras of Medina. It's like a natural two volcanic fields next to Medina. So that protects the Prophet, but he's vulnerable from the other directions. So you have the story of the hypocrites from within, right? Banu Qura and the Jewish tribes from within, but you also have the story of some of the Arabs that didn't like the rising power of the Prophet from the surrounding cities. Why? Because as the ulama of Sirah will explain, and history will explain, it's not that they necessarily preferred the shirk of Quraish, the idols of Quraish, to the message of the Prophet, it's that they preferred the predictable, the predictable and the what they understood, the predictable and the familiar. Like this new message, we don't know enough about it. It seems threatening. And there are tribal alliances, there are economic relationships. So they just didn't like what that meant for them. And subhanAllah to also understand the mindset. Many of them really didn't care about religion and they weren't interested in learning about any type of different way of life. Like we're just trying to milk our goats, take care of ourselves, get on with our lives. We're not interested in these bigger questions about life, right? So it's kind of the mindset that exists with many of them. Now, represents a particular name in the serah because they are actually one of the ahzab. The ahsab means the tribes. They're one of the tribes that in bigger picture signed up to eliminate the Prophet and basically partake in the genocide. So an allied nation to the genociders, right? And this is of course what happened with the ahzab that Quraish managed to convince a large enough subsection of Arab tribes that let's just take all the forces that we have and let's wipe this out because if we don't solve it now, it's gonna grow and it's gonna become a problem for all of us. So Ghatfathan, this tribe, is one of the principal um uh uh tribes. And basically the the more famous uh tribes you have are Aps and the Byan. So Absent Vubyan are two of them, and then the closest tribe to Medina is this tribe, okay? Banu Ashjar. So you have Ashjjahr, Absin Dubiyan, the closest one to Medina is this tribe, meaning they're the ones that are gonna actually, like on a day-to-day outside of wartime, come down and interact with the Prophet and the community most. I'll explain to you why I'm giving you all of this uh particular context, inshallah, for this companion. All right. Outside of him, the only real famous companion you have from Banu Ashjah is a Sahabi by the name of Nu'aim ibn Masrud al-Ashjari, who one day we will cover because he actually helped deflate and defeat the Hazab from within, because he pretended to be amongst them when they were coming down on the Prophet. Other than him, Banu Ashjah represents sort of a distant reality. So even though they're physically near, they came, they interacted, but they mainly accepted Islam later on when other tribes just got on board, right? And the other subsections of Arabian society got on board. So, why is this important context? Because now you'll understand when you read the hadith about Zahir radiallahu ta'ala anhu, what he represents to the Prophet. So you have two narrations, one from Salim and one from Anas. May Allah be pleased with them both. That there was a uh young man from Ashjah, uh Yuqalu Lahu, Zahir ibn Haram al-Ashja'i. His name was Zahir ibn Haram Al-Ashja'i. He was um a Bedouin, so he was from their tribe, he was very Bedouin, and Kana uh Dameeman di Khalkihi, he was someone who was deformed physically. So he was poor, he was from the outskirts of Medina, he didn't have a tribe to really protect him, or that was known ashra in the broadest sense, but he also was not pleasant looking, and he was a young man. So on one of his trips to Medina, while most people just came in and did trades kind of on the outskirts, and um you know, like how when you drive out to go get some fruits or get some vegetables from the outside, most people go out to Ratafan. He actually would come in and he got to know about what the Prophet was doing, and so he embraced Islam. So on one of his trips in, he embraced Islam. And Anasadiallahu ta'ala anhu says that weyyan, laya tin nabiya sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, illa bi turfatin, ow bi hadia, that he was a bedouin, and every time he came to Medina, he brought something for the Prophet. Some of the narrations explain some fruits, some vegetables, right? Some kind of plant. But you can imagine what is a Bedouin gonna bring? Maybe a container of milk, a container of laban when he comes to the Prophet. But every time he came to Medina, he had a gift for the Prophet. And here is the beautiful relationship between the Prophet and this young man that Zahr never came to Medina except that the Prophet, the Prophet got him new clothes, he got him an outfit, gave him some gifts to take back as well, some perfume or something else from Medina. And it's like the Prophet had like a stockpile for Zahr. So it's understood that when Zahr comes to Medina, Zahr has got something for the Prophet, and the Prophet says, Zahir, I've got something for you. And if he didn't have something to give him on the spot, the Prophet will go buy him something, get him some new clothes, give him something, and like you know, you go on your way, Zakmullah khir for what you brought, and uh be on your way. And that's why the most famous words about Zahir, the Prophet said, and you won't understand this without the geopolitical context or the society. For every city dweller, you've got that guy that you know in the desert. You've got the person in the farm, you've got the bedwin, you've got the out the person that lives on the outskirts. So for every urban dweller, you've got someone in the suburbs. And he says, the badia, the bedwin of Ali Muhammad is Zahr. When he says this, as the Shurah of Hadith mentioned, he's not saying that Zaher belongs to us. He's saying Zaher is our relative who lives in the desert. Zahir is like my family member who lives in the desert. So you can imagine, subhanallah, how much his worth, his self-worth, was immediately built up in front of the companions. And what is it like when you're sitting in the masjid and Zahir walks in from the desert? The desert Bedouin has a very low self-esteem, young man, physically, you know, he knows and doesn't feel good about himself. And the Prophet says, Zahir, come on over. I've got something for you. And the Prophet would get up and he would um uh he would embrace him, and the Prophet would take care of him until he went to the Ma'rad al-Khuj il Al-Badiya, until he decided to go back to the Badiyya, and the Prophet would give him what he needed so that he could make his way back. And then you have the famous narration now between them. Right? And this is the most pivotal moment, subhanAllah, that the Prophet walks into the marketplace. Zahir, the outsider, you know, is trying to sell some things that he brought from the desert, you know, got his little fruit, he's got something, some kind of cloth, some kind of itr, whatever it is, and he's doing his tijara, he's doing his stuff in the marketplace. So if the Prophet is always looking for him and he's always looking for the Prophet, the Prophet sees him in the marketplace and he gets excited. But the Prophet doesn't just go and say, So alaikum, zahir, you know, I thought, what did you bring for me? And I got something for you as well. The Prophet goes to him and he sneaks up behind him, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And then he grabs him, Alayhi Salatu Asalam, and he starts to scream, Manyashtariha dal abd, manyashariha dal abd, man nyashtariha dalab. Who's gonna purchase the slave from me? Who's gonna purchase the slave from me? Who's gonna purchase the slave for me? And the Prophet is laughing, and Zahr radiallahu ta'ala anhu, he was first he said, Arsilani, let me go. Then he realizes the Prophet. So Zahr says what? That what he does what he does, that after that he kind of let himself go and he let the Prophet hold him as long as he wanted to. Some closeness to the Prophet. So the Prophet is joking and he's laughing, and Zahir radiallahu ta'ala is laughing, and the companions are seeing this, and it's an endearing uh moment between the Prophet and this young man that used to look down on himself and felt like he had no worth and in the community, like this is who the Prophet came into the marketplace and gave attention to, right? And then that's when he says, you know, Idan taj duny taasidan Ya Rasulullah. He said, Oh Messenger of Allah, you would find that no one would want to buy me anyway. You'd find me to be cheap. Right? If I was actually a slave, you'd find me to be cheap. No one would want me anyway. And that's when the Prophet uh turns him around. The Prophet, like you can imagine, like this is the sentence that's going to sustain him for the rest of his life. The Prophet turns him around and he says, in the eyes of Allah, you are priceless. In the eyes of Allah, you are worth so much yazahr. Don't belittle yourself. In the eyes of Allah, you are an incredible ab to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Right? You're worth so much to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And subhanAllah, this type of joke or coming to build the confidence, to build the self-esteem of this young man who felt what he felt about himself. It's one of the most beautiful traits of the Prophet. So for one, he notices the woman that's missing from cleaning the masjid. Then he notices the bedwind that comes in. And he establishes such a tight relationship with him, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that you know, he starts to call him like our family member, our relative that lives out in the desert. He could have chosen someone else, but he chose him, radiallahu ta'a anhu. Then the Prophet builds his confidence, teaches him, you know, don't say that you're worth nothing. You know, sometimes someone makes like an awkward joke like self-deprecating, and what we'll do is we'll just kind of like laugh it off. Or we'll we'll pile on. Prophet froze the entire incident, says, no, no, no, no. To Allah, you don't know how much you're worth. You're priceless in the sight of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. What else do we know about him? The only thing we know about him other than this, Zahir radiallahu ta'ala annual, and it's very likely that he went back to Rabafan and he died at some point because again, Rabhafan is not a notable tribe after Islam. They, you know, kind of embraced Islam, got on with the bandwagon, and people die in the desert and are buried all the time. Uh, the only thing we potentially know is that Ibn Abdul Barr records him amongst Ahl Badr, the people of Badr, which is not a small thing, by the way. All right, because the best of the sahaba are Ahl Badr, are the people of Badr, no matter who they were. Right? And there are numerous narrations of this where Jabir alayhi asked the Prophet, how do you count the people of Badr amongst you? And the Prophet said, They are the best of us. And Jabir said, likewise they are the best of us, the mala'ika, the best of us as the angels. So this young man subhanAllah might belong to the most elite group of sahada. And all we know is Zahir, who thought low of himself, Radiallahu Ta'ala anhu. So imagine the woman that used to clean the masjid in the house of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in Jannah and meeting her. And then imagine Zahr ibn Haram, who the Prophet says, My family from the outskirts, and now he's brought close to the Prophet and the Prophet playing with him and joking with him and laughing with him in al-Jannah. It's unbelievable. But the most practical lesson, subhanAllah, and this is a serious one. The Prophet had humor, but the Prophet would not break people with his humor, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He used joking to lighten the mood and to build people. It's so consistent across his humor, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And people can be so cruel with their jokes and they can pass it off as a joke. It's like the equivalent of, I'm not backbiting because I would say it to their face. Right? It's the equivalent of that. Tear people up, break them down. And the Prophet you'll find in the abwab and the chapters of um as-sidq, to to be truthful when you joke, that it's not just telling the truth when you joke, but it's to have a truthful end when you joke as well. What are you trying to achieve with that joke? Are you trying to lighten the mood? Alhamdulillah, are you trying to have some goodness amongst people, alhamdulillah? Are you trying to build someone's confidence? Alhamdulillah Al Ameen. That's the most beautiful and the most noble way to joke, and that's what the Prophet would utilize his humor for sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So be careful when you joke about people's appearance. Be careful when you joke about their vulnerabilities. Be careful when you joke about things that they will laugh at, not because they actually like you joking about it, but because they don't have the self-confidence or they don't want the fight to defend themselves. And so they pass it off and they let it go. And subhanAllah, sometimes like a bad nickname or a mockery sticks, sukriya sticks to a person their whole life. And they never liked it, but they go with it and it becomes accepted amongst the family, it becomes accepted amongst a group of people. The greatest adab you can learn from the Prophet, particularly here, the added one, is let your jokes build people, don't let your jokes break people. Because imagine if the Prophet would have added on, piled on. Zahad would have probably laughed. You know, who would buy me anyway? The Prophet said, Yeah, you're right, or he would have let it go, would have crushed him, but he would have laughed it off, probably, right? But for however long that man lived on earth, he could keep replaying in his head. You're priceless in the sight of Allah. Yeah, Allah, like imagine when I stand for I'm priceless in the sight of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That's the transformative lesson that is here.